What ever happened to...

My favorite piece of graffiti of all time is (or at least was) located in the 2nd floor men's room (do ladies' restrooms get graffiti'ed?), the one that used to be a staff restroom back before the renovations were done that gave me a shiny new office and then took it away again. Not that I'm bitter.

ANYWAY... The back of the stall door is covered with all this pre-election graffiti, an ongoing black-and-white political dialog between liberals and conservatives, each pushing their own political candidate while bashing the other side, to the point of using terms like "nazi" and "faggot". Then, at the bottom of it all, written in simple black lines, were two circles with dots in their middles, and the question, "What ever happened to just drawing pictures of boobs?"

Maybe that's our problem today. Maybe we've become too bogged down in divisive partisan politics, ripping out each other's throats, trying to win at any cost, and tearing this country apart in the process, when all we really need is just to get back to the basics, back to our roots, back to what made America great to begin with. So everybody get out your black sharpies, walk into the nearest public restroom, and go draw some boobs!

Life sucks, with one notable exception

Sometimes (weekdays, for example), I think nobody else cares about me. Thank god for my Fishy.

Pro-Life... until birth

Ah yes, Christianity at it's finest. Suddenly I understand why so many so-called "Christians" voted for Bush. In a televised debate on CNN, Jerry Falwell said,

President Bush should "blow them [the terrorists] all away in the name of the Lord."

[http://headlines.agapepress.org/archive/10/252004h.asp]

Wow! That Falwell is amazing. It's like he's directly channeling Jesus Christ. Where can I sign up to send him lots of money?

Jesse Jackson, a prominent black, DEMOCRAT minister appeared on the debate with Falwell, and replied,

"That does not sound biblical to me. That sounds ridiculous." Jackson added that the U.S. should "stop the killing and choose peace."

Bah! Who does this Jackson guy think he is? How dare he call himself Christian! Sounds more like an asshole to me. Must be one of those pro-Kerry liberals you're always reading about. 'Stop the killing'?? None of the Christians *I* know are in favor of stopping any killing. (except abortion, I mean). Just look at our President: He's a Born Again Christian, and he actually went so far as to launch a pre-emptive war that's killed over 100,000 Iraqis so far! THAT, my friend, is what REAL Christians believe in. And judging from the election results, it's clear that the majority of Christians agree.

Damn Democrats have no moral values. Hasn't Jesse Jackson ever read the bible? If ANYONE was ever in favor of killing, it was Jesus.

Like Begets Like

You'd think that at this point in world history, people would learn to fight fire with water for a change:

France started to evacuate thousands of its own and other foreign nationals from the Ivory Coast today, rescuing them from rampaging mobs targeting expatriates. Violence erupted after the Ivory Coast's air force killed nine French peacekeepers and an American aid worker in a bombing raid on the rebel-held north on Thursday.

In retaliation, France launched its own bombing raid on Saturday, wiping out most of its former colony's warplanes on the tarmac -and provoking a violent anti-French uprising of looting, burning and attacks by loyalist youths.

[from http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,3-1353070,00.html]

That time of year

Last October, I made a pie crust and froze it for later use. But then I had some work done on my house which took 3 months instead of 3 weeks (and it'll take 3 decades to pay it off), so I didn't have the use of my kitchen all winter long. But then you know how it is--you buy more stuff at the store and you put it in the freezer, and it piles up, until pretty soon you don't even know what's in there anymore.

Well, this weekend I found that pie crust again. Just over a year old. It really shouldn't have kept more than 3 months, but I didn't want it to go to waste, so I thought I'd use it. But I didn't want to go the trouble of making a whole apple pie just to find out that the crust had turned to crap. So I used half of the crust to make some apple dumplings for Dan and me. They were delicious, and the crust was perfect. So I used the other half to make more apple dumplings for Noddy and me (this time SHE's having work done on her kitchen.) Again: delicious.

So yesterday, I felt inspired, and I made 5 (FIVE!) pie crusts. I froze 4 of them and put the other in the fridge so I can make a pie with it tonight. I *so* want to leave work early so I can get started on those apples ASAP so that I have time to bake it early enough that I can actually eat a slice tonite.

I want to freeze some pies, too (before baking them). Rose Levy Beranbaum (pie goddess) says it's fine, and I tend to trust her completely, but I've also found people who don't recommend it at all. So I'm not sure what to do. And I can't help but wonder if success depends on the type of apple you're using (I use Macoun apples when possible for pies, and use Granny Smith as a close second choice)

Why People Move Out of the City

WTF?! We paid $11---ELEVEN DOLLARS--a ticket to see Resident Evil: Apocalypse last night at the Bridge in West Philly. It was opening night, and we'd been looking forward to this sequel for a very long time. The movie was fantastic--or at least the parts we could hear were fantastic. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT WATCHING A MOVIE INVOLVES AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION?!! Why do they talk and scream and laugh and hoot and make loud remarks about every single fucking thing that happens? Why do they think that everyone else wants to hear them? And why doesn't it happen in the suburbs? To be honest, I don't really care what the answer is to that last question, but i can promise that from now on we'll take every opportunity to see movies out at King of Prussia, or at the Lowes in Georgetown in DC where people are more polite.

There was one movie we went to see where these two girls were talking, and I finally turned around and said, "Could you please not talk; we're trying to watch the movie." And one of the girls actually had the fucking nerve to say (in a threatening tone, no less), "What did you just say to me?" I repeated my request, and she was about to say more, but her friend calmed her down and they basically stayed quiet for the rest of the movie. Lucky for her, too, because I happened to have a spare sausage patty and a Rottweiler in my bookbag (see next paragraph).

I don't know what the solution is. I'm told that in Europe, you are escorted from the theater if you talk during a film. Sounds very fair to me. Maybe the solution is to have different screenings: one marked "Loud Talking Permitted--Enter at your own Risk" and one marked "IF YOU FUCKING TALK DURING THIS MOVIE, WE'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH AND DRINK YOUR BLOOD." (Couldn't decide between that one and "shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!") I also favor a solution that uses several special microphones located throughout the theater to triangulate the location of people who talk above a certain decibel level. When such a person is detected, the movie screen goes blank, a loud whooping siren goes off, and a spotlight is trained directly on the violator, thus embarrassing him/her into not repeating this sort of activity. The violator is then escorted from the theater by armed guards and beaten liberally about the face and neck. The movie then continues.

I'm very open to other suggestions. Anyone?

United States of eBay

Discussing recent less-than-appealing economic indicators, Dick Cheney recently pointed out that these indicators don't include people who sell tchotchkes on eBay. "That's a source that didn't even exist 10 years ago," Cheney told an audience in Cincinnati on Thursday. "Four hundred thousand people make some money trading on eBay." And we still have a deficit??? Let's go, Mr. Vice President--box up our B1 bombers and hop on the internet and SELL! SELL! SELL! (buyer pays all shipping costs. Insurance available on request. Deadbeat buyers beware: we will bomb your country, so don't bid if you don't plan on paying.) (photo from the AP)

update: Jonathan Edwards responds to Cheney's comment: "If we only included bake sales and how much money kids make at lemonade stands, this economy would really be cooking." I'm not sure if I laughed harder at the response, or at the original asinine statement itself.

Novel Idea

Sounds like good advice to me! But then, I'm a Democrat. (photo by me, from Times Square, or a Times Square-esque location in Manhattan)

Sight for Sore Eyes

Now *there's* something you don't see every day. god bless calvin klein. we really need more images of rim-jobs lining our public streets and by-ways. tossing salad...it's not just for gay men and prisoners anymore. almost makes me weep a little. that being said, i'm a little disappointed they hired this woman for the job. was my phone busy? hel-LO! try thinking of ME next time you're looking for someone to bury their face in some hot young stud's ass.

thanks to fleshbot for making me aware of this glorious image. photo from gawker, until someone can mail me a better version. (don't let me down, new yorkers!)

Something's Different

Is it just me, or did the floor of the 3rd fl. men's room taste a little different today?

and so it begins...

Ok...so this is my first entry. What do you think?