TvD's new word

TvD came up with a new word that I thought should be shared with the rest of the world.  She was reading one of those… classic spam messages that asked the immortal question, “Has your cum ever dribbled when you wanted it to squirt?”  This prompted a discussion of the art of ejaculation with a lady friend of hers, and they both agreed that although they prefered that their lover’s manchowder would dribble ever-so-daintily into their belly button so as to be easily wiped up with a kleenex or two (or three or four), the male of the species prefers to blow their wad as porno-volumninously and messily as possible, in a style more reminiscent of a Jackson Pollack painting than of a mere sexual act.  It was at this point that TvD came (no pun intended) up with the wonderful new word, “ejacrobatics” or “ejackrobatics” (soon to be a major motion picture) to descibe this style of sex that boys have clearly learned by watching too much Jeff Stryker, John Holmes, and Rocco Siffredi. 

Ahead of my time

It’s not easy being ahead of your time.  It sounds great, doesn’t it?  “He’s ahead of his time.”  But what it really means is that nobody listens to you, nobody respects you, nobody follows your suggestions until the need to do so becomes self-evident, by which time everyone forgot that it was your advice in the first place, and they often credit someone else who thought of the idea months or years after you first proposed it and were shot down.  Someone on the INTP list (Tink?) said “If it's NEW and it's BRILLIANT an INTP thought of it AGES AGO!”  I couldn’t agree more.

Fishy Quote #10

"I can't hear you! I've gone blind!"

New Saying

“A complete part of this hairy breakfast.”

Sorry. No explanations.  It’s a TvD-and-Me thang.

Junior Mints

Here’s my idea.  I was thought of it on the walk back from CVS with TvDetective.  I will time myself to see how long it takes me to eat one junior mint.  Let’s say 5 seconds.  Then I will pay someone to walk next to me with a bowl of junior mints and pop one in my mouth every 5 seconds.  Pretty nifty, huh?

Veronica Mars Website

So I’m sitting here watching Veronica Mars (which and whom I love), and this voiceover comes on encouraging me to checkout the NEW Veronica Mars website, which has “exciting” “new” features.  And I’m thinking to myself, How exciting can they be?  Don’t get me wrong; I’m all about Veronica Mars.  But unless they’ve got Logan Echols/Jason Dohring buck ass naked, I really can’t imagine what I’m going to get out of the website.  But you know what? In the interest of fairness, I’ll go check it out now. You wait here.

Ok I’m back.  So there are some IM buddy icons, each of which advertises the showtime. You can download some wallpapers. A who’s who done up as a family tree. Some interviews, video clips, trivia game, etc.  Ok, ok, i have to admit better than i”d expected.  But I still wouldn’t call any of it “exciting.” Of course, it’s probably all aimed at high school students, who get excited by pretty much anything.

Hornet Attack

TvDetective and I had lunch today. We were sitting on a bench when all of a sudden there was this loud buzzing and fluttering sound, and next thing I knew, something hit the ground in front of us. It turned out it was a HUGE hornet and a cicada, fighting. The cicada struggled a little bit more, buzzing and flapping its wings wildly for a few more moments until it finally just stopped moving. The hornet appeared to continue attacking it for a couple more seconds, and then it started dragging the cicada—which was every bit as big as the hornet itself, maybe bigger—across the pavement. I kept wondering where it was going to take it. It just kept dragging it until it got to the edge of the sidewalk, where there was a 3 or 4 inch curb to go over. Ok, i figured this was it, and it was just trying to drag its prey out of the way of the oncoming foot traffic. But amazingly, the hornet just “jumped” up over the curb, cicada in tow, and kept dragging it across the grass and dirt toward the nearby tree. Maybe there was a burrow in the ground where the hornet kept its food? No. It started dragging the cicada right up the tree! By the time we finally left, it was at least 12 feet up the tree. I still don’t know what it’s going to do with the cicada. Does it lay eggs inside it? Does it suck the juices dry? I don’t know, but it was just amazing to watch.

update: thanks to fishy, i now know that it wasn't a hornet, but a wasp. A cicada killer wasp, specifically. he found this page with a photo that looks EXACTLY like what TvD and I saw:

http://www.whatsthatbug.com/killerwasps.html

It turns out the cicada isn't dead yet; just paralyzed. And the reason the wasp was taking the cicada up the tree was just to get enough height to fly back to its burrow because the cicada is so heavy! As fishy said, "kinda ingenious." Then he said, "gotta switch networks," and signed off. Helpful bastard.

TvDetective Quote #7

We had lunch today and we were talking about her boyfriend.  She volunteered the following information:

“Sometimes when he fucks me, my earrings fly off.”

I adore this woman.

Pope Hates Homos

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,6903,1558063,00.html

Turns out the Vatican is currently planning to block gay men from becoming priests.  (The article doesn’t say whether lesbian nuns will still be allowed.)  I, on the other hand, would have gone a different route and blocked bigots from becoming Pope.  Why Catholics—especially gay Catholics—don’t leave the church en masse is beyond me.  Because the gay Catholics I know are out there violating scripture left and right anyway, so they clearly aren’t THAT devoted to the Church’s teachings. 

Google Talk

GoogleTalk, Google’s new chat / IM client was released yesterday in beta.  I downloaded it immediately and began playing with it, mostly talking with my sister and with TvDetective after forcing them to signup too.

The Good:

1. EXTREMELY simple to download and install
2. Intuitive to use
3. No clutter, no ads, no pop-ups, no news, no extra windows, no spyware, etc.
4. Excellent voice chat that even my parents could use. 

The Bad:

1. Requires gmail account
2. Doesn’t save chat transcripts for you
3. No group chats
4. Nobody uses it (yet, anyway) so there’s nobody to chat with
5. No good reason to switch from AIM or MSN or YIM.  It offers no additional features, and lacks several that the other services already offer.

The fact that GoogleTalk requires a gmail account isn’t inherently bad; after all, all of the IM services out there require you to sign up for an account of some sort.  But the gmail account links your IM info to your email info and your search info, so Google is really able to build up quite a database about individuals.  Plus, gmail is now open to everyone, but the way you get a new account is via your cellphone, which is yet one more critical piece of info they have about you.  At least up until now you were just an anonymous user,  but once they have your cellphone #, they can link your info to a real person.  That’s getting a little scary for my taste (which prompted me to switch my default search engine to Clusty btw).

If you have Trillian Pro, you can use it as your GoogleTalk client, and that way you can save transcripts of IM chats, but it doesn’t support the audio chat as far as I can tell.  I will probably keep Google’s client around for voice chat only, but I don’t see a reason to use it for IM.  The only things that could change my mind on that front would be 1) if it became interoperable with AOL Instant Messenger (which is where most of my chat friends are), or 2) all of my friends switched to GoogleTalk.

Others seem to agree with my analysis, except they also complain about the lack of a search box.  I’m not sure i understand this, unless they’re talking about search of past chats.  Because if they just want to search the web, they should open their browser, which they have to do anyway in order to look at any of their search results, right?

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents.

What I want from the Democratic Party if they ever want me to vote for them again

I'm tired of voting for the lesser of two evils. I'm tired of voting *against* the Republicans instead of *for* the Democrats. And so I've decided not to do it anymore until the Dems can prove themselves worthy.

1. Use the word “lied.” I am tired of people saying that the President “mislead” the American people, that people “misconstrued” his statements. He LIED! He’s a dirty LIAR! Why won’t the Democrats say it?! He lied to us and to the world. Willfully, intentionally, and repeatedly.

2. Call yourself “Liberals” and define the term for the American people. Democrats run from the “Liberal” label like it’s a dirty word. I’m a liberal and I’m proud of it. Liberals believe that government should be for the good of the people. That it’s the government’s job to help its citizens. Liberals believe that billionaires should pay a higher tax rate than people living in squalor. Liberals believe that threats and brute force and armed invasion of other countries should be used only as a last resort rather than as a primary tactic in solving international disputes. Liberals think that killing people is wrong and therefore oppose the death penalty. Liberals believe that corporations do not deserve the same rights as human beings. Liberals believe that people should have medical care and a good education. Liberals believe in a minimum wage that lets people live above the poverty line. They believe that people should not be allowed to roam the streets carrying automatic weapons. They believe that public transportation is a good thing. They support laws that fight discrimination. Liberals believe that without laws to prevent it, corporations will put profits ahead of people. Liberals believe that people should be allowed to practice their own religion whatever it may be and not have someone else’s religious beliefs forced on them. If you believe these things, then you are a liberal too.

3. Oppose the war. Dammit! The war is wrong. SAY IT! SAY IT! This is a war that was based on LIES. (remember? "lies," that word that the Democrats won't say?) It has killed tens of thousands of innocent people. It has destroyed families, ruined the credibility and respect of the United States around the world, destabilized the Middle East, and threatened our national security more than it ever was before 9/11. And yet the Democrats still won’t take a stand.

4. Make the case for gay marriage. There is an excellent case to be made for civil gay marriage. If the Democrats *honestly* believe that gays and lesbians should not be allowed to get married the same way heterosexual people are, then they are every bit the bigots that the Republicans are. The Dems are always saying, “I believe in civil unions for gay couples, but marriage should be reserved for heterosexuals.” They are saying--in a very literal way--that gay people should not have the same rights as straight people. Replace the word “gay” in that sentence with the word “black” or “muslim” or “handicapped” and see if you can get away with a statement like that.

5. Stand up for the separation of church and state. Explain that you can be religious on your own time, and that if your religious beliefs interfere with your ability to fulfill your duties as a judge or lawmaker or fireman or army sergeant or teacher, then you need to find a new line of work. Explain that allowing one religion into government means allowing them all. For the Christians out there who want prayer in schools, how would you feel if your child recited a Muslim prayer at the dinner table he'd learned in school that day, or started doing Buddhist meditation after watching a fellow student or teacher do the same during "quiet time" ? Religion is an important part of our country, our society, and the world, but it must remain separate from government. So why won't the Democrats just say so?

What all of this comes down to is: “Do the right thing.” The reason that the Democrats do NONE of these things is that they are afraid of offending people. They are afraid of losing votes. Well NEWS FLASH: You’re already losing votes! You control ZERO out of three branches of government. Do you think George Freaking Bush cares what people think of him?! Do you think Carl Rove or Dick Cheney are afraid of losing votes by making unpopular decisions or passing laws that piss people off?? Hell no. They have an agenda. They know exactly what they want to do, they announce what they’re going to do, and then they go do it. A little more than half of the voters cheer, the rest boo and cry and hiss, and the result is the government that we live with today.

Are you going to lose votes by opposing the war, supporting gay marriage, and otherwise standing up for what’s right? Damn straight. But you’ll gain votes too, and whether you're elected or not, you can go to bed safe in the knowledge that the votes you DID get didn’t come from bigotted uncaring warmongering conservatives who think that their own welfare and religious beliefs are more important than everyone else’s.

Sears Sucks, PART FIVE

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The repairman called this morning (the 24th), and I told him there was no part and therefore there would be no reason for him to come. He said he'd call the customer repair center and let them know that I still didn't have the part. After my shower, I called Sears again to find out what was going on with this freaking part that still hadn't shown up. The woman told me that it was back ordered w/ Fridgidaire.

I don't understand how this is possible since not only was it EMERGENCY reordered on Saturday, but Sears actually called me back to confirm a delivery date of YESTERDAY, and it seems that if they knew what date it was going to be delivered, then they would also have known whether or not the part was in stock in the first place!!

But anyway, she told me that they've now re-ordered (although technically it's RE-re-ordered) it and that it will arrive tomorrow. Then she told me that the soonest she could schedule the repair is for September 1, ANOTHER WEEK FROM NOW! At that point, I told her--in a slightly raised tone of voice--something like, "As you can see from your computer, this has been going on for a very long time, and you can imagine how frustrated I am by this. I know it's not your fault personally, so if I sound angry, it's not at you, it's at Sears, with whom I am incredibly unhappy." She was sympathetic (my problem has never been with the customer service agents themselves) and said, "actually, we can schedule the repair for August 31. It's only a day, but it's something." I agreed, it was better than nothing, and we rescheduled for Wednesay, August 31, which is another SIX DAYS instead of week. I hung up and sighed.

Then, a few minutes later a different woman called from Sears to tell me that the part will arrive "in the next couple of days" and that my repair appointment is scheduled for next

I swear I should sell the movie rights to this story. Stay tuned...

Sears Sucks...you guessed it: PART FOUR!

So what's a part 3 without a part 4 to follow up, right??

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

So we left off on Saturday, August 20. You'll remember that i was going to follow up by calling Sears back to see if we could move up the latest scheduled repair date because they wanted me to wait an additional NINE days. So I called them. They told me that they would have my local Sears customer service people call me back, which they did a short while later.

I spoke with a very nice woman named Maria (or maybe it was Mary, but I think it was Maria). She was very helpful and immediately bumped up the repair to the 24th (tomorrow). She also "emergency" reordered the missing part. She actually called back a second time to let me know that it would be delivered by DHL on the 23rd (which, you'll recall, is today), the day before the actual repair. I hung up with a smile on my face.

Today when I got home from work, there was no package waiting for me. Nor was there a slip from DHL telling me they'd been to my house. I decided to give them a few more hours in case they were running behind. They never showed up so I eventually called Sears. The woman I spoke with was, as always, very nice, but ultimately unhelpful. She said she'd have the parts center call me back tomorrow to let me know what's going on with the DHL package.

I pointed out that the repairman is scheduled to come tomorrow between 8-12, and that I would need to take more time off work in order to be here for him, and that it didn't make sense for me to do that if there was no part here for him to fix the freezer with. She agreed and told me I should go to work since the repairman wouldn't come if there was no part here for him.

I asked her if there was a tracking number for the DHL package so that I could check to see where the package was. She gave me a 7-digit number, which is clearly not a tracking number, but I took it anyway before we hung up.

Then I called DHL. The man there was very, very nice. Excellent customer service skills. He's the kind of guy who can make you happy even though you hang up without getting what you want, which is exactly what happened. The 7-digit number was useless, of course. And even though I gave him my name and address, apparently DHL's system works by matching a shippers zip code with a recipient's zip code, and since I didn't know where the part was shipping from, he couldn't locate the package for me. Not his fault, though. So I'll have to wait to see what Sears says tomorrow when they call.

Stay tuned for part 5. I have to admit, this would seem much more tragic if it weren't for the fact that it's giving me so much material to add to my blog! I sure hope someone from Sears reads this.

Fishy Quote #9 - Lying in the Grass

Earlier tonite, Fishy and I were watching an episode from the first season of “Scrubs,” one of the best shows on television.  In this particular episode, they make a big deal about taking some time out for yourself “to lie in the grass and do nothing.”

Fishy said, “Lying in the grass is one of those things that sounds better than it is.  There are ants, and bugs, and mosquito bites, you get mud on the blanket and your clothes get grass stained.  It’s better left as a fantasy.”

Sears Sucks part 3

The fact that there even has to be a "Part 3" of a story like this is disturbing in itself. But as you will find out, there will be at least a part FOUR also, because the problem is STILL unresolved.

Picking up where we left off at the end of part 2, it turns out that the other part (the timer) was shipping separately. So I got a called Sears to reschedule YET AGAIN since I didn't have the necessary parts yet, and they told me that they already knew that and that they had already rescheduled my repair for the following Saturday (which is now today), and they were surprised that nobody had called to tell me that fact.

Ok, fine, whatever. As of today, there was still no part. So i called to tell them that the timer still hadn't arrived and I made my displeasure firmly but politely clear. Norma, who was very nice, checked with the parts department and discovered that the part had been delivered to my house on the 16th (4 days ago). I assured her that no such thing had happened, and i looked through the mail to double-check that there was no package slip that I had overlooked. I also checked with my neighbor to make sure they hadn't accepted the package and forgotten to tell me about it. Nothing. So Norma was about to reschedule again, but I asked her if it were possible that one of the repairmen might already have the necessary part in their truck. She said that yes, they *should* have the part, but that there was no guarantee. So I suggested that we not reschedule and she have the repairman call me if he doesn't have the part. She agreed.

3 hours later at 2:15, Sears called me to let me know that the repairman would not be able to make it today (note that it wasn't a case of the repairman not having the part. he was just too busy again.) and that the next available appointment was on the 29th (NINE DAYS FROM NOW!) So I said, "Sure what the hell." I mean, what else could I do at this point?? I still don't have the part, no matter what they say about it being delivered. The 29th is a Monday--so i will have to take another day off of work: another $100 flushed down the proverbial toilet.

I'm calling them back in a few minutes, I've decided, and I'm going to ask to speak with a supervisor to see if we can move the schedule up a bit since the peons who staff the phone bank lack either the power or the willingness to do anything to help me sooner.

Testing new Cite Bookmarklet...you may safely ignore.

According to the Textpattern website, Textpatern is: 

A free, flexible, elegant, easy-to-use content management system for all kinds of websites, even weblogs.

Textpattern

Just testing

Just testing "Blogger for Word"

"Sears Sucks" installment #2

An update to my ongoing negative experience with Sears.

I had to stay in Philadelphia that weekend instead of going to DC as I’d originally planned so that I didn’t have to take off another day from work.  I got up that at 7:30 that Saturday morning (I didn’t even know there WAS a 7:30 in the morning) so that I could be showered by 8am on the off chance that the repairman showed up on time.  He didn’t, but at least I was clean.  When he did show up, he was a nice man.  He quickly diagnosed the problem: the freezer coils were encased in a block of ice, hidden to the casual viewer by an access panel.  The problem had to be either the thermostat or the timer which periodically turns the heater on to prevent ice from building up.  He discovered that it was definitely the timer, but he recommended replacing both parts just in case.  Fine by me if it means I don’t have to go through this whole thing again in a few months.

But he didn’t fix it that day.  Instead, he suggested that I call customer service and buy a service plan on the freezer, since it would cost the same as fixing it, plus a service plan would continue to cover the freezer for the next year or two.  I immediately questioned whether they would cover a freezer which was already broken.  “Oh yes.  They don’t care about that. They just want to sell you the insurance.”  Ok, fine, if it’ll save me more money down the line when the freezer breaks again.  So I paid him the minimum $60 charge for labor and he left. 

I called customer service and, of course, they told me that they could not sell me a service plan (or insurance, or whatever Sears calls it) for a broken freezer; it would have to be repaired before they could cover it.  So I called a different Sears number.  They told me the same thing and referred me back to the original number.  Those people again told me there was nothing they could do, but that they recommended going back to the store where I bought it because sometimes the store manager can make an exception and pay for the repair.  So I went back out to 69th Street where I bought my freezer.  I had been hoping to be able to deal with Alice, because she’s always been very knowledgeable and helpful to deal with, but she was busy, and she wasn’t the manager anyway.  The department manager I dealt with was extremely nice and extremely sympathetic, which I greatly appreciated, but he was also ultimately unhelpful.  After checking with HIS manager, he told me that after 90 days, the store is out of the equation and so he couldn’t do anything to remedy my situation.

So I went home and called the Sears repair line again to schedule a repairman to come out and fix the freezer, even though I would have to pay all of the costs out-of-pocket.  After all, I need a working freezer.  I had to take yet another day off of work, of course, because I was going to be out of town the next couple weekends and I had already been without my freezer for a month.  The repairman came (the same guy as before) but he didn’t have the part in his truck, so he couldn’t fix my freezer.  So I had to pay for half of the part and he ordered it, telling me it would arrive in a week.  Another day wasted.

Yesterday the part arrived in a tiny little box left on my front step by Airborne Express.  Yay.  Except I opened the box and noticed that it was the *thermostat*, and the repairman had very clearly said that the problem was with the *timer*.  So maybe he just didn’t want to have to install the parts over a period of two separate days?  I don’t know.  I guess I’ll just have to call and schedule an appointment again and see how it goes.

So here’s a recap so far:

1. My $500 Kenmore freezer breaks less than a month after the warantee runs out, only a year plus a few weeks old, and it got only very light use over that time.

2. I call the repairman and schedule an appointment. 

3. I take a day off of work to be home for the repairman.  He does not show up and I have essentially flushed a vacation day down the toilet.

4. I reschedule the appointment for a weekend so I don’t have to miss work again, but it means I have to cancel a trip to DC and I have to wake up at the ungodly hour of 7:30am because the repairman could show up as early as 8am.  (yeah, right.)

5. The repaiman shows up and diagnoses but does not fix the freezer. He tells me to buy a service plan and leaves.  Wasted day and cancelled trip for NOTHING.

6. I call Sears to buy a service plan and I am told they cannot cover a broken freezer (ie. the repairman was wrong).  They refer me to the store where I bought the freezer.

7. I make a trip out to the store where I bought the freezer, but they tell me they cannot help me.  Wasted trip.

8. I schedule yet another repair appointment and take another day off work.  The repairman comes but does not have the part and has to order it.  Wasted vacation day.

9. A week later, the part arrives, but it appears to be the wrong part.

10. I will have to take at LEAST one more day for the repairman to come and finally fix this freezer.

So after a total cost of:

• 2 lost vacation days (= $200)
• 1 cancelled trip to DC and had to get up extra early on a weekend
• $200 in parts and labor
• Two hours of  lost time going to Sears for a problem they couldn’t fix
• Unknown amount of time on the phone with various Sears people and departments
• At least one more vacation day that I will need to take in order for the repairman to come again (minimum of $100)
  
  (In other words, it would have been cheaper to buy a brand new freezer) I STILL HAVE A BROKEN FREEZER THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE BROKEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!

A friend of mine has suggested that I go to Sears and walk around and talk people out of buying things.  Or picket the store until they agree to replace my freezer.  I will be writing a letter to Sears when all of this is over and see if they are willing to reimburse me at least for the parts and labor, or at least give me a free 2–year service plan on the freezer that will by then be fixed.  If they aren’t willing to do so, then please look for a man holding a picket sign at a Sears store near you.

The Lobby is My Kitchen

Recent poll by Harris Interactive confirms my own #1 complaint about moviegoing.  Namely the cost.  I’m surprised that people would list ads before the movie previews as a reason they don’t go to the movies.  There aren’t that many, and they don’t really detract from the experience of watching a movie.  More surprising was that nobody listed the buttwads who talk during the movie.  Or maybe it wasn’t one of the reasons they had to choose from. 

"Please Mug Me"

I wonder if I'm the only one who thinks that these lightup earbuds are equivalent to wearing a sign on your back that says, “Hey! Look at me!  I have expensive electronics in my pocket! Mug me! Mug me!”